I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize