He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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