It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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