If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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