I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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