This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
