if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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