Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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