I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
