I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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