32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
