You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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