Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
