I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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