Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
