She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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