i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
