hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
