I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
