your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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