At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
