I could have mohawked her pubes.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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