was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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