using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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