Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
