I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
