why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
