Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
