shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want her autograph on my taint
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize