He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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