your parents love me but you hate me
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
MIDGETS
????
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
