we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i out mim tonsoeep
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
