What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
