It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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