I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
