New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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