Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize