I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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