I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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