i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
