Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
