Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
