Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
