I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
