Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
