So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
