i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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