if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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