Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
