and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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