I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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