i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
