so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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