I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
