I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
