You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
