Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
