I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I looked at my own cervix.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
