i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
