R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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