my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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