Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
there is puke in my bra ... again
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