My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
