So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
