I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
