so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I see more hoeing in ur future
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