There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
