yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize