***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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