She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
