remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
